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Cake day: July 9th, 2025

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  • The fundamental flaw in the premise is you cannot know what you’re doing “wrong” to not get it. If you’re not literally the other person, you can’t observe every string of thought that goes through their head. If they know how much you rely on their approval, their brain will automatically consolidate power over you, issuing approval and disapproval alternately based on how it will force you to maneuver in the course of getting their own needs met. The only thing a person can successfully control in a healthy way is themselves. So you’ll end up getting disapproval when they are tired or cranky or whatever without them necessarily even realizing what they are doing. No human other than yourself can be the never-ending source of approval you desire.

    If this is happening, it’s likely you’re locked in a toxic codependent relationship in which the other person is getting a LOT more out of the relationship than you.

    If this is about a boss (and this is where it gets exciting) you’re being managed in an oligarchy. You’re not allowed to be happy and feel constant approval because they are controlling you.













  • ruuster13@lemmy.ziptoScience Memes@mander.xyzMarie Curie
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    2 days ago

    I had a teacher who asked me in front of the class if I would mind if he shared with the class a big accolade I had achieved. He was teasing me, as he took away my choice to say no in that moment. I was immensely proud and excited for that to be shared with the class, but also chose to take a jab back at him. I stated flatly “no, I don’t want that shared with the class.” Before I could say “just joking” or whatever, the awkward silence I had created made me panic and shut down. And after a few more awkward moments we moved on to something else. 20 years later my stomach still churns.