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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-02-21 05:02:05+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Throwaway1284930753
I [24F] had accidentally killed my boyfriendās [28M] bird and had said hurtful things to himā¦ Iām afraid that heās going to hate me.
TRIGGER WARNING: graphic descriptions of a birds death, abuse, animal abuse
MOOD SPOILER: rage and horror
Original Post Oct 14, 2018
I am going to say this now: in no way do I believe that my actions were justified. I hadnāt meant to do what I did, and I feel incredibly guilty about the whole situation. I feel like there is no way I can ever apologize to him in a way that would be adequate enough to atone for my actions.
Weāve been dating for 3 years, but have known eachother for about 5 or so years. We had always been close friends. Heās had depression / anxiety for a majority of his life due to his childhood.
Our relationship was, more or less, perfect. I have always tried my best to be understanding due to some strange habits / attachments that he uses to cope with his illnesses. While his attatchments were somewhat unhealthy (in my own opinion), as long as it helped him to cope, I tried not to mind it much.
One of his weird attatchments was a bird. He had never been addicted to drugs / bodily harm, but had found comfort in this cockatoo that he said that he had since highschool.Ā I had never liked birds much, but he says that doing stuff like birdwatching had always helped him to take his mind off of any intrusive thoughts.
His bird wasnāt aggressive or anything, but I wasnāt a big fan of it.Ā He had - what I considered to be - an unhealthy attatchment to the bird, but I had never said anything to him about it.
These past couple of months, our relationship had been a little rocky. Iām not sure what happened, but he started to avoid me, and would clam up whenever I asked him what was wrong. (For context, we live together).
This had happened before, but never to this extent / time period. I began to wonder if I had done something wrong or hurt his feelings somehow. He had explained before that sometimes heās just āget like thisā for no reason and he assured me that it would āalways passā. It normally would, but this time, I wasnāt too sure. It had gone on for too long.
My boyfriend works from home, and I had the day off. He was in his office doing whatever the hell he does with that damn bird. I swear, he pays more attention to the bird than he does to his own girlfriend. At one point, I went into his office and locked us both inside, demanding that he tell me what the problem is.
Bad idea, probably. He hates being cornered, and I knew that and decided to use that against him. He asked for me to unlock the door and to leave and that heād talk to me later / in the living room. I refused, once again demanding that he tell me whatās wrong, and if he didnāt, Iād break up with him.
I feel like it was kind of low of me to corner him and threaten him, essentially forcing him to share something that he wasnāt comfortable sharing at the time, but that thought didnāt cross my mind at that time. I feel terrible, but all I wanted at that time were answers.
We had gotten into a heated argument (although one-sided. Admittedly, it was just a slew of insults on my end, and then he started to clam up and the bird ended up stealing his attention once more). I just about had it with him ignoring me to pay attention to his bird and - in the heat of the moment - told him just that. I clearly remember telling him ājust date the damned bird since you obviously love it more than you love meā.
He tried telling me that it wasnāt true but I guess I wasnāt having it and the end result was him pushing me out the way to unlock the door, and him leaving the house.
I donāt know where he went but I didnāt care. I went to the guest room (as we had a shared bedroom that I did not want to be in at that moment) and I remember crying my eyes out.
It was 3 in the morning and he still wasnāt back. I had trouble sleeping and was worried about his wellbeing. During the argument, I had said some things that were based upon a few of his many insecurities, and had said some awful things to him that I didnāt actually feel about him. I had tried texting him and calling him, but he had left his phone at home. His car was still there but I have no idea where he could have gone.
I had left my room with the intention of getting a snack, and then waiting for him to come home to offer an apology. The bird was usually noisy at night, but the house was almost unnervingly quiet. I didnāt pay any mind to it.
I was walking down the hallway (it was dark) when I felt something under my foot. I heard this crunching / snapping, squishy sort of sound.Ā Sleep deprived and groggy, it took me a while to actually realize what had just happened.
I moved back, felt along the walls for the light switch to the lights in the hallway. I hadnāt turned it on previously because it was bright, and I had been in the dark guest room all night. I figured that there was no hazard, but I forgot that my boyfriend was the one that put the bird in its cage every night. My boyfriend wasnāt thereā¦
I felt sick. Like genuinely, actually sick. The first thing I did when I realized what I had done was cry. The bird was still moving. I hadnāt killed it, but Iām guessing that itās spine snapped or something, because it was on the floor, kind of sprawled out, struggling to move.
I didnāt know what to do. I ended up putting it in an empty delivery box and sticking it in the closet in the hallway.
Sure, I hated the bird, but I didnāt want it to die or anything, much less kill it myself. I hadnāt meant to do it.
tl;dr: got into an argument with my boyfriend, accidentally killed his bird
That was last night. Itās now late in the evening and my boyfriend called to apologize to me for storming out. He told me that he was at his friends house and staying for another night, that heād be home in the morning. He asked me if I could feed the bird for him. I just told him āokayā. I really donāt know how to tell him.
What if he thinks that I did it on purpose? A majority of that argument was spurred by, and spent bashing his obsession with the thing. I said all those hurtful things, and he felt that it was necessary to apologize to me. I feel horrible, like something less than human, and I donāt know what to do. Heās already in a bad place mentally, and this just puts the icing on the cake. How do I tell him? What do I even say to him? How can I ever make this up to him?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP
How else was I supposed to get him to listen to me? We live together, yet I rarely see him around the house. Heād avoid me, and I donāt know why. Is it wrong to want answers when heās behaving weirdly?? Heād just stay cooped up in his office all day and night with the dumb bird and Iād only see him when he left to get food.
People are assuming that heād be better off if he broke up with me. Why? Iām not an abuser, and 1 am the only support system he has left. I technically didnāt ālieā to him, either, so.
AgnikaKaieru
Youāre a horrible psychopath, maybe thatās why heād be better
TooOldForThisShit642
Would you feel comfortable is he locked you in a room and demanded you do something he wanted? Not likely.
OOP
Well, I wouldnāt avoid him for a month without explanation, SO if it all boils down to it, itās really his own fault that his bird is dead, not mine.
~
OOP
I will tell him, eventually, when he asks about it. Iām not exactly sure how to bring up the fact that I accidentally killed his bird.
** a_wild_venonat**
You call him right the fuck now, is what you do,
LetsMakeCrazySyence
Youāre hiding it from him. On purpose. Because you know he wonāt stay with you if you say what happened.
OOP
Heāll stay with me either way. He has no choice in the matter. Other than the dumb bird he has no one else that supports him like I do. Unless he wants to die depressed and lonely, heāll stay with me. Thatās not my concern. I just want him to understand that it was an accident entirely, so Iām not sure why youāre jumping to conclusions.
~
WonderfulAtmosphere
You got jealous of a bird, wanted to control his relationship with his bird and neglected to care for it while he trusted you with it. Congrats, you need mental help,
OOP
I didnāt want to ācontrolā his relationship with the bird. I just felt like he was too attatched to it. I felt it was unhealthy for him to be so obsessed with a bird that was going to die sooner or later (as he had it for a long time). I wasnāt ājealousā. Is it a sin for a girl to want her boyfriend to pay attention to her??
flyingmotorbike
Cockatoos live for 30+ years. They also require almost 24/7 care and what we was doing was 100% ā¦
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1iuj1is/i_24f_had_accidentally_killed_my_boyfriends_28m/
I have soooo much to say here but ill let the top comment do some of if
Yeah she 100% killed that poor bird on purpose. Cockatooās are pretty big and it would be pretty difficult to accidentally stomp it to death in bare feet. Also if lying down in the hallway? What an absolute psycho
blueflash775
and it was still alive. DO you:
a) put it in a box and hide it in a cupboard?
b) find the nearest emergency vet and take it there?
For those unsure, the correct answer is b.
Some other choice comments. I want to know who she is so I can avoid her at all costs. I like her writing style, very matter of fact to minimise the horror of her behaviour. āWhy do you all hate me soā?
He hates being cornered, and I knew that and decided to use that against him
We had gotten into a heated argument (although one-sided. Admittedly, it was just a slew of insults on my end
During the argument, I had said some things that were based upon a few of his many insecurities, and had said some awful things to him that I didnāt actually feel about him (Added) āHeāll stay with me either way. He has no choice in the matter. Other than the dumb bird he has no one else that supports him like I do. Unless he wants to die depressed and lonely, heāll stay with me.ā
With support like thatā¦
[ā]NynaeveAlMeowra
Yeah that stuck out as insanely sick in the head. According to her it was still alive so instead of getting it taken care of she stuffs it in a box to suffer
flyingmotorbike
Cockatoos live for 30+ years. They also require almost 24/7 care and what we was doing was 100% normal for cockatoo owners. They are one of the most demanding birds for care taking. You would know this if you talk to him about his hobby but it doesnāt seem like you care much about him in the relationship. Youāre more worried about him hating you than how heās going to feel about losing his bird he couldāve had decades more with.
Edit: They actually live around 50 years,
OOP
Even when he wasnāt taking care of the bird, heād do weird things like talk to it. I mean, I get why people talk to dogs, but a bird??
We live together but I still felt like he was giving the bird more attention than he was giving his own girlfriend.
Whispurrr_ur
Grow the fuck up. He loved his bird! Havenāt you ever loved anything beyond yourself? People talk to their pets, how is this such a strange concept to you, are you a sociopath OP?
Youāre too immature and mentally unstable to be in a relationship. I hope he realises this and fucking runs!
update Oct 15, 2018
Copy of the update
Iād like to start this off with a āthanks for absolutely nothingā. I posted to this site for advice, but got nothing but criticism and false accusations. I figured that you guys would appreciate an update, and are satisfied with the end result. :/
He came home this morning (or later in the morning of the incident, as it had happened at 3amā¦ He came home around 8 or 9am). We talked for a bit about what happened, and he seemed to be fine for the most part. He was hesitant in asking if I had fed the bird like he had asked me to. I told him no, and he asked me why. I told him that I couldnāt find the bird.
He gave me a weird look. Iām not even sure what kind of expression it was (sorr of like a grimace) and he asked me again where the bird was.
I told him the story of how I had accidentally stepped on it and he immediately told me that it was bullshit. He told me that the bird was trained to return to his cage after sunset, and that it wouldnāt just lie down in the middle of the hallway like that at 3 in the morning (much like you guys saidā¦ except I was telling the truth).
I had never seen him so upset, or angry for that matter. He accused me of killing the bird on purpose, which is something I didnāt do, and something that no one believed me when I say that was an accident, for whatever reason.
He asked me to leave the house, and I refused, as I didnāt know if he was planning to hurt himself or something if I left. He locked himself inside his office and he wonāt talk to me. I fear for his wellbeing, and I wonāt be there to stop him if he tries to do anything drastic.
tl;dr: boyfriend is convinced that i killed the bird on purpose (which i didnāt). has been in his office all morning to this afternoon and i canāt get him to talk to me / come out
How do I get him to listen to me ?? A majority of you are convinced that I killed the bird on purpose and that Iām abusive even though that is not the case. It was an accident, and I am being misunderstood.
I just donāt know what to do.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOPās OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
