This might sound pretentious or trippy. But it’s just a thing I haven’t found a proper answer for.

My paternal parts of the family are all dead, no aunts, uncles or cousins alive any longer. My maternal parts of the family suck, they seriously suck, no joke. I decided not to procreate (and had a “few discretions” regarding this) because I didn’t want to pass the shitty genes, behaviour or guilt onto another generation.

I have an ex, some relations ago. And I really loved his mother, as a mother. I was a train wreck at one time, and she saved me and took care of me. I don’t care that she isn’t my real mother. But this was several years ago.

What really hurts is that my siblings and cousins tell me that what I felt for her was fake, as she is not a blood relative. As I have helped her more than I would ever have helped anyone else. I love her, but is it true love to love someone as a mother if they aren’t your biological mother?

  • Maharashtra@lemmy.worldEnglish
    33·
    2 years ago

    I hope you understand how wrong you are, because I grew up in a family that gave me enough traumas for decades of years. Some didn’t heal to this day. You absolutely need to understand it, because your assumptious comment is enabling highly damaging, scornful and stress-inducing style of thinking and commenting, that has no place in online discourse.

    • AttackBunny@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      2 years ago

      I’m sorry, but no.

      I THOUGHT loved people who were abusing me, until I saw what REAL love is. I thought I KNEW what love is. I THOUGHT love was, what I now know to be abuse.

      It’s absolutely a valid question to ask, and your reply is literally gaslighting.

      If you have no frame of reference for a healthy relationship, how do you KNOW it’s good, without asking?

      • Maharashtra@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        2 years ago

        It’s absolutely a valid question to ask, and your reply is literally gaslighting.

        It’s a valid question, but the answer is also valid and far from gaslighting. The process of questioning one’s love/feelings > IS < an indicator, that there’s something wrong, that it’s not entirely complete, perfect, proper state of affairs.

        It applies to many things. If you question your job efficiency, you aren’t as efficient as you know you could’ve been. If you question your happiness, you’re not fully happy. If you question your love, or the love someone else should feel towards you… Well, there’s some imperfection in it too.