I have social anxiety and never been in a relationship and find it very difficult as an average looking dude to meet women. I get bad anxiety when trying to approach a girl I like or find attractive so avoid it. I’m still working on myself so I know that needs to come first. Just looking to see what others did to find a girlfriend with similar difficulties.
Biggest tip: don’t look for a girlfriend, look for friends. Find something you enjoy doing that can be done with other people, and just make friends through that. Eventually you’ll like one of your female friends enough to want to ask her out, and be comfortable enough around her to not be worried about rejection
I know you’ve likely heard this before, but it’s the best way to find a good partner. I met my fiance through my church young adults group, and we were friends for years before starting dating, now we’re getting married this January.
Beat me to it! This is the way.
By joining meetup groups you have an interest in, but don’t start hitting on people right away. Get to know people in the group before seeing if they have friends who are available.
Yes! As someone that dances, please DO NOT join interest groups just to hit on people. Join groups that do something you’re interested in, then hit on anyone you might be interested in as you naturally meet them.
Doing the first causes two big problems:
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Whoever you meet is likely genuinely interested in the activity that may be the basis of your initial relationship. If you don’t actually enjoy it, either you drop out or you continue doing something you don’t trust enjoy, both of which detract from the relationship.
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Everybody fucking hates these people. Seriously. We know who they are within a few sessions and that puts everyone’s hackles up.
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I first started by making a thread asking people for advice while laying the blame on “females”. Then I ignored all of those people telling me that my personality was the issue, leaving comments so juvenile that the entire thread got taken down. Then, I posted the same shit the next day, but this time blaming my anxiety, still in heavy denial that it’s actually my complete inability to self reflect on how I treat women that is leaving me single.
Oh way, that was you, not me. My b.
Ohhhhh fuck. Glad I saw your comment before getting too invested.
Yeah, he’s a scumbag lol. A really surprisingly active one, at that. Dude is super busy on here.
I met my wife online about fifteen years ago.
We were in the same town and met after maybe two weeks of messaging each other… and we just clicked. (Views on politics, religion, drugs/alcohol, pets, and lifestyle were all compatible, easy to just be around each other, etc.)
I’m 51 now and this is my fourth relationship. It’s never been easy to find someone I match up with. (For context, I’m tall, balding, and quite fat, but I think I’m pretty attractive/do well with what I have. I didn’t always have that confidence in myself. Don’t beat yourself up, it really doesn’t help.)
It’s also worth saying that I was in a terribly dark place when I met my wife, but I put myself out there anyway. Working on yourself is a great priority, without question, but I found someone who accepted me at my lowest, helped me to be better, and I was then able to reward her by being a good husband. Having been through that (and other dark times) has made us stronger together.
So my advice is:
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That old canard, ‘Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive’ is completely true. Play up on what makes you attractive, and don’t mess that up by being rude or smelling bad.
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Show interest in public. By that I mean be jovial and open. Notice those who respond in kind. If you can, strike up a tiny conversation. Build those skills in little moments. Maybe this will go somewhere, maybe not, but you’re learning to be more open.
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Be social, and some of that can include online dating. If you’re doing online dating, try to meet early, as that’s where you’ll be able to find if you click with someone. You just can’t know until you meet, in my opinion. Plus long online-only relationships involve you envisioning the ideal of a partner rather than seeing if you can live with them.
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Put yourself out there! You can’t get better about approaching women if you don’t keep trying. Don’t hit on everyone you meet, of course, but I’ve known really ugly guys who always had a cute girlfriend (Also a couple schlubby guys who married absolutely gorgeous women, somehow) and several solid couples where neither are conventionally attractive, but they have love and a great life together.
And that last line should be your goal, a great partner and a great life.
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Same way anyone else does - by stepping out of my comfort zone for a chance at something good.
Yeah, it fucking hurts! Get mad, nerd! The object of your desire cannot recognize you until you punch-dance your feelings.
Attended a wedding. Confirm you’re not on the same side 😂
I dig it
Why is finding an SO or getting laid being put on a pedestal? What does it solve?
Because never having one and not getting any is embarrassing to say and depressing after it’s said
is it that it’s embarrassing, or do you also actually want it?
You probably have anxiety and depression that is being further induced from self medicating. Sober up for a year and then revisit trying to find an SO. You’re going to need to figure out how to be happy with yourself.
I used dating apps and suffered until I found a wonderful woman that insists that I am handsome. 🤷♂️
Glad to hear man
It’s a numbers game
A very large numbers game
I had reconnected with a former coworker while I was going through a difficult time in my life. She was also going through some heavy shit and we helped each other get through it. We talked every day for about a year before we actually saw each other face to face.
We’ve been married for almost 4 years now.
The last line was “shrubby guys getting gorgeous women” actually but get the whole message you made. Thank you
Heh, I corrected that.
I liked that line better tho lmao
