I’m speaking from experience.

What if I told you, “not necessarily?”

He is busy having an entirely heterosexual dinner date with his heterosexual female Christian girlfriend.

Tim Apple: “Today, we’re excited to announce ‘Kumbaya Messaging’™️ for iOS, iPadOS, WatchOS, and MacOS! Kumbaya Messaging™️ brings not only Apple Ecosystem™️enjoyers closer together through rich, more connected communications, but will allow all your friends and family who are still using Android to be able to be able to enjoy all of your shitposting gifs, memeojis, and Live Photo™️ snapshots of your take-out pho, including the hilariously embarrassing audio you always forget about. We at Apple want to bridge the divides in our daily lives, and with Kumbaya Messaging™️, we believe we can bring all of us that much closer together.”

Yep.

See: Regulatory Capture

*jots down ‘load kids feet first into chipper’

Wait, is Microsoft violating child labor laws, too!?

make it run E=mc² miles per hour

You just converted the energy of Einstein’s corpse to mass. It increases in weight by a billionth of a gram or so and you’re now paraplegic.

Also, you failed high school physics.

/sorry

LOL

%COMMENT_TEXT%

and grits straight off Natalie Portman.

Go on…

Getting nostalgia hits thinking about loading up some version of WaaS (AOL script kiddie program for those unaware) that used Shoots and Ladders for a startup jingle, and I’m replying to ZeroCool. Hah.

Well sure I like free video games too.

Er…

And this is why I click on the NSFW “fitgirls” links when browsing /all

No Stairway!? Denied!

But but but corporations are people, too!!! 😢

“Hey honey, look, Morgan Freeman and Reverend Al Sharpton are having a fistfight over who loves Trump more! See!? We can’t be racist!”

Well it would have said “Romani ite domum” if I didn’t typo that.

At least I didn’t write it as “Romanes eunt domus” like some weirdo.

(It’s a Monty Python reference)

Romani ite domum!