Clearly the fossil records are incomplete.

Gyms should save money by having a fake nonworking 3d printed treadmill between each set of real ones.

They should do this with urinals too

You’re probably referencing the Eisenhower quote but for those who haven’t heard it:

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some fifty miles of concrete pavement. We pay for a single fighter with a half-million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. . . . This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.

In 5th grade (1995 or so?) there was a total solar eclipse going over our school RIGHT DURING RECESS, and they made EVERYONE stay inside at our desks and miss the whole thing so we wouldn’t burn our eyes out looking at it. So on top of missing the eclipse, we also missed recess.

I was furious. I did not get to see a total solar eclipse for another 20+ years.

My anus is bleeding