“You know what this dish is missing? The taste of expired beer that was collected, dripping from a dumpster behind a seafood restaurant.”

“With your powers dispersed, I can go back to playing games on my NES!”

It’s from the alpha

He summons drinks and snacks.

The solution to this is to make breakfast in the afternoon 👍

Any place with screws loose or loose nuts.

I can spin around and around indefinitely without getting dizzy.

It’s a skill that opens doors… Or maybe not 🤷

Great: More high fructose corn syrup as a substitute in everything 🤷

Endless suffering. Which, surprisingly, is what conservatives want.

(Just not for themselves… It’s just so hard to make policies that only target the people they hate! Why must reality be so unlike their fantasies of how the world works‽)

Nope. I’m good 👍

Should’ve gone with 4321, the year the last of the homo sapiens died.

(Yes, there’s some debate over whether or not the corpse of the full dive hermit indicates a death after 4321 but the expert intelligences with the largest databases on the subject all agreed it would be best to leave it at 4321 because of its religious significance to the AI multiverse culture thanks in no small part to the sacred text of the prophet, Paul Auster)

I don’t know about post-menopausal people but anyone who spends a significant amount of time with a menstruating girl will have their brain shaped by it. It’s only a matter of time!

Menstruators have an impact, ya know?

The important connection here is that the uterus growth-stimulating effect of estrogen also applies to the hippocampus, which is important in forming and retrieving memories. This means that a few days after your girl is done with her period is the absolute worst time to make a mistake. That memory will be locked in forever.

She’ll be able to recall it decades later. Thanks to the power of estrogen.

Hmmm… For a sustainable alternative press some very fine paper pulp into a cracker-like shape, let it dry, then shove it into your mouth.

As an alternative you could just take a bite out of a cereal box, making sure that the inside-the-box side of the cardboard is what hits your tongue first 👍

Canada will probably just cut off the pipelines into the US and partner with Europe to get all that oil shipped there.

It’s probably termites! Their nests tend to grow a mold that causes allergic reactions in lots of people. Exactly the sort of thing that would make you itchy.

…or you could just slice off a thin piece of styrofoam and shove it into your mouth. Same taste and texture!

Are you sure they were actual Jeez-Its and not just styrofoam?

Well there is a plus side: Being a generalist means that when you’re looking for work you have a lot more options than say, “Java Guy” and a lot more options than say, “.NET Dude”.

The pay won’t be as good as “COBOL Beastman” but that’s just survivorship bias 🤷