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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-02-22 05:02:24+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is gnawingloneliness. She posted in r/internetparents, r/AITAH and r/MadeMeSmile

She reached out to me herself and gave permission for me to post.

Also, dates are from my time zone as that is what I see on reddit, so keep in mind that OOP is about 6-7 hours ahead of my time zone.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. This is a VERY long post.

Trigger Warning: abuse; verbal abuse; physical abuse; homelessness;

Mood Spoiler: Things are looking up for OOP!

Background Post: January 16, 2025

Title: AITAH for refusing to speak to my brother after he attacked me

Repost because it was removed from the AITA sub for mentioning violence. Oops

I feel inclined to share this since I’m getting berated by my extended family.

For context, I’m 21F and he’s 15M. My little brother (Rascal) is a narcissistic menace. As a kid, it was tolerable - I was his older sister, and being the eldest daughter of 5 kids in an ethnic household meant every action of his (and the rest of them) was on me. But as he grew older, he began taking advantage of the fact that I’m the scapegoat of the house, the one no one respects or listens to but is blamed for everything.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was him attacking me 2 weeks ago. He had my wrists on a death grip and I instinctively fought to get him off me. I was dumbfounded and also scared because he attacked me at the top of the stairs, and I was on the verge of falling down. He had a growth spurt last year so is 5’10” to my 5’5”, which perhaps gave him the confidence to manhandle his older sister??

I would’ve left there and then, but it was 10pm at night, with no car & nowhere to go. I woke up the next day with bruises on my wrists and got really upset and angry all over again. I called my uncle to tell him what happened because I didn’t know what else to do. I regret that because whilst he did tear Rascal a new one, he also told him to apologise to me after “she’s had a day to calm down”. Rascal didn’t do that, and I was truly hoping he’d never talk to me again since he didn’t get any punishment anyway, no one held him accountable for his behaviour - he just went straight back to his PS5.

However, my uncle called me back a few days ago and asked if Rascal had apologised yet. I was in my room, assuming no one was around, so I was talking loudly when I said “No, he didn’t apologise, and I don’t want a measly apology that means nothing anyway. He has done this over and over again and I’m tired of the abuse. I’ve done nothing to deserve this.”

Rascal was standing outside my room and heard that uncle was on call with me, and in an attempt to manipulate the situation again he ran, got some leftover snacks from his room and knocked on my door whilst I was still on call with uncle

My uncle heard Rascal come into my room & throw the snacks at me whilst saying sorry loudly. I saw red & threw the measly bag back at him, telling him to never speak to me again. My uncle started saying “wait, he apologised?? Why are you screaming, go tell him you accept it.”

I said lol you must be mad and ended the call.

Haven’t talked to uncle since either, I regret even involving him but I had no one to speak to, no friends, and my therapist appointment is in a month.

My cousin called me today: said Uncle told her everything and that I’m a bad sister for not hearing my brother out, that I should talk to him. She said “siblings fight all the time!”

So, AITA for standing my ground and vowing not to speak to him again?

(I will be moving out and going NC with my mother for other reasons, but this situation has solidified the fact that I also want nothing to do with him and his abuse.)

Background Post 2: January 16, 2025

Title: AITA for telling my father he cannot tell me what to do

I’m 21F, and trying to move out. I live in England. It’s been a long process due to some financial issues, but I’m getting there - I have an end goal in mind which is good.

My father does not live with us. He works abroad. Him and my mother are not on good terms but for some reason won’t divorce, just separated. He also has another family which may add context.

I made the mistake of talking about me moving out within earshot of my mother a while ago. Ever since then, she’s been trying to manipulate me, not realising that the curtains have been lifted from my eyes. I see every word for what it is - a power play, an attempt to chain me to a toxic environment that uses me as a scapegoat.

When her final card, telling me to stay because I’m useless and can’t be independent and would be better off saving my money for a car instead of rent and bills, didn’t work on me - she called my dad to talk some ‘sense’ into me.

The call from him was triggering, but I pushed through and said I don’t want to live here. I hate that I’m either being taken advantage of or demeaned. He kept pushing, so in anger I said I hate her. That he cannot convince me to stay just to slave away for people who don’t care about me. I said I rather be in debt and pay my rent in money, instead of paying it with my mental health as I’ve done my entire life.

He said “are you refusing to listen to your father?” I said “Maybe you’d have a leg to stand on if you were here, but you’re working abroad, have another family that you don’t even live with either and are probably thinking about. You’ve got enough on your plate so please don’t bother with me now, my decision is set.”

He was furious and called my siblings in anger ranting about me. They’ve not said anything really. My mother then got wind of what I said and has been badgering me ever since to apologise to him. I admit I have been avoiding his calls because I was angry when I said everything. I’m feeling slightly guilty now for causing a rift.

AITA for shutting down my father, arguing with him and telling him he cannot tell me what to do?

Original Post: January 25, 2025 (9 days after background posts)

This one is long, please read if you can. I’d love to get some advice and moral support.

In previous posts, I mentioned how chaotic my home life is, how my brother attacked me and how my anger was dismissed. This links to today’s events.

I’m 21F, with a mother that hates her life and therefore projects all her negative emotions onto her children - mainly me. She has the classic victim-mentality narcissistic mindset, spewing the same bullshit about how I am the cause of all her troubles, I am the reason for her behaviour. Refuses to have a civil conversation without screaming at me, has NEVER apologised for anything, has never ever hugged me or told me she loved me. That’s not an exaggeration - NEVER.

Being the eldest daughter, I was blamed for it all. Her behaviour is always my fault according to her. I’m too emotionally drained to give specific context but just know that the “why does my mother hate me?” questions began when I was just a 5 year old little girl.

In the past few years, I had accepted that no amount of begging, pleading or bargaining would give me the loving mother I yearn for. So I decided to protect my emotions from being exploited. I stopped trying to reason with her.

After the incident with my brother, I continued not speaking to anyone. Going about my life outside, coming back here just to sleep. Without the financial independence to move out and no friends to stay with, I thought I had to endure this until I got my money up.

But I’m at the end of my rope. Today, after not speaking to each other for weeks, she came and commanded me to do fill out a long form for her. I said “I’m not ready to act like nothing happened. I was assaulted and nearly thrown off a flight of stairs by your son and you did nothing but watched. And then dismissed me when I broke down in rage. You have ignored me since. If you’re gonna talk to me, then let’s start with what happened that night.”

She began ranting about how everything was my fault. How I’m selfish for expecting her to sort him out when he won’t listen to her. I said “you laughed at me in front of him and told me to stop the dramatics. In front of him.” The ranting from her dragged on and I just left to go to my room. She came up after me cussing me out. This is where I lost it and began recording so I have evidence. She yanked my phone and threw it back at me. Then proceeded to continue raging at me.

I made a mistake and said “that’s what you are” as a reply to one of her horrible insults to me. She began hitting me, I tried moving away but she continued - at one point punching my face. Now she is shorter than me, and I’m quite obviously stronger. I could’ve fought back. But regardless of everything, in my heart she’s my mother and I didn’t want to touch her and…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ivb41z/i_am_leaving_this_house_i_will_have_no_one_to/

  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
    2·
    18 hours ago

    Mini Update Post: February 9, 2025

    Editor’s note- too long to include here. OOP is looking for a job but in the meantime found a place where she can volunteer and meet new people/network

    Update Post 5: February 11, 2025 (3 days from previous update)

    Title: 15 days since I left. Successful food bank trip today!

    Heyy! It’s the 21F from England who fled her abusive household. Call me Kenzie, I love that name !

    So today, I had an appointment with a support worker from the charity that initially helped me when I fled. She was nice, expressing the ways she can support me. She’ll be able to help me with budgeting, going with me to grocery shop if needed , helping me brainstorm my next steps etc. I have another appointment with her next week! :)

    After that meeting, I went straight to the food bank with my voucher. Because the person who referred me (an employment coach I see alongside my therapist) specified that I am also in need of cutlery, pots and pans and all that, the food bank had SOOOOO much second-hand stuff ready for me. I was so geeked !! There was a kettle, plates, measuring cup, pans and pots, spoons and forks, mugs, teabags, sanitary items, even shampoo and conditioner! They went over and above and my heart is so full I’m so happy. Of course, there was the food too - lots of beans and tuna and mackerel as well as chickpeas, rice pudding, custard etc. Basically all the canned food you can think of ! I haven’t looked through the bags thoroughly, but I’m also hoping there’s rice and pasta too. It’s okay if there’s not, I can buy that myself :)

    (Also, my sister who lives in a different city is sending over a package of old pans and pots she doesn’t use either, so I’ll have more than enough to make all sorts of meals! I like lasagna, so I’ll probably buy a glass tray for that too idk if that’s what it’s called lol)

    Carrying all that back on a bus ride + walk by myself was extremely difficult, but some nice strangers helped me carry some stuff. Then when I was near the accommodation, I called my housemate (the girl who was lovely to me the first day I came here) and she helped without question, even bringing a little shopping trolly she owns to carry the stuff. She’s actually an angel, I felt comfortable asking for her help. I’ve reiterated to her that if she ever needs anything I’m here for her too.

    Anyway, all that stuff is stacked in my room now. I’m incredibly tired because as soon as I dropped the food bank stuff off, I went straight back out to do some grocery shopping (getting oil, milk etc) and those were heavy too. Came back and collapsed onto bed hahah. I have some more stuff to buy, like seasoning and whatever. But for now, I have enough to finallyyy make a good meal ! I’m so grateful and soo glad.

    I’ll give myself a break tonight, but tomorrow morning I’ll wash up all the cutlery I got from the food bank. I’ll clean the cupboards I have (I’ve got locks for them too so no one can steal my stuff yay!!) and put everything away. That way, my room can be free from any clutter. I also bought washing up detergent and liquid soooo I’ll do my laundry too!!

    I will also sign myself up at the nearby dentist and GP so I don’t neglect my health! Hoping to do that tomorrow :)

    Still haven’t heard back from the volunteering gig, but I’ll update with any news of that when I do!

    Hope to be back soon :)))

    Small update

    woke up this morning and washed all the cutlery I received! Put everything away in the cupboard, andddd yesss there were rice and pasta there too! I have enough food to last me over a week truly, so many combinations. There’s even a veggie curry in a can that I can heat up and eat with the rice! I’m so happy :)

    also there’s this one small glass oval thing that I have no clue what it is, is there a subreddit to find out the names of odd items? Google didn’t help lol I’m a bit confused -> edit I’m told it’s a lid for a casserole dish? Never would’ve thought

    Mini Update Post: February 15, 2025 (4 days later, 19 from OG post)

    Editor’s note- unable to post here due to length, but OOP has reconnected with a friend who was able to help her when she needed some medical attention!