Thank goodness this never happened to me cause my parents were good parents, it’s just as much the childrens home as the parents and children should be allowed to say “I don’t feel comfortable with another man or woman living hear” Its the parents responsibility to make sure their children are comfortable and feel safe around a new adult. The parent should plan a public meet and greet parent, child, step and after each one the children should have the right to say no more and it end there.
I can understand this perspective. Kids get molested by a parent’s new romantic partner way too frequently, and even intelligent adults can be blind to the failings of someone they’re dating.
Removed by mod
the children should have the right to say no more and it end there
Or what?
Don’t be surprised when they don’t talk to you when grown up or ask to live with the other parent because you are prioritizing your new partner over your literal children. Also violating their consent.
The mom of a friend of mine did this when he was growing up. She was a single mom, she asked him about a guy she was seeing, he said “He’s a little weird, not sure I like him” not really meaning anything by it other than an honest answer. The guy was gone from their lives within a few days. He said he might not have given that answer if he’d realized what she was asking, it was just a snap answer based on not really knowing the guy that well.
The guy had money, seemed otherwise like a fairly decent person, but she dropped him without a second thought after that one conversation. Just gone. She did a lot of things wrong in her life but pretty much the one and only thing she was unerringly on the money about was loving her kids and making them the center whatever else was going on. She pretty much DGAF about what else was happening if there was ever a conflict.
I don’t think kids should get a veto but do think kids should get to voice their input and you should listen to it and address it. When I got together with my now husband, 2 years dating then we moved in together, 2 years living together before we got married. Our kids all like each other and are glad to have more family. When we first moved in together, the teenagers played beer pong and bonded, lol. The little ones were happy because they got an upstairs. It was obvious everything was working out.
No I didn’t ask the kids’ permission, but we are close and they are open with me, I trust them to tell me how they feel and oh boy they do.
I think asking their opinion on the new adult is fine. Like if my mom started dating a guy who was drunk all the time and made disgusting remarks about her, I’d want her to know I dont like him and he sucks. But i’ll be real with you, when I was a kid and my parents got a divorce I hated every guy my mom saw, and if I had the deciding say as a child she wouldnt be with the man shes with now. But now I realize my stepdad is one of the best people Ive ever met and if I was broken down at 3am 200 miles away all it would take is a phone call and he’d be getting his boots on to come help. I dont think children are mature enough to be the deciding factor of a decision like this
There is no bigger cock-blocker than the children of single mothers. Giving them veto power to make mom an actual involuntary celibate is too much.
They can still have a relationship just no living in the same house
