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Joined 2 years ago
Cake day: July 1st, 2023
  • Poop@lemmy.catoBestofRedditorUpdates@lemmit.online•[New Update]: AITAH for telling my girlfriend I can’t trust her anymore when it comes to her wanting a baby?
    4·
    1 month ago

    ----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: January 10, 2025

    Other posts are on my profile

    It’s been over a month since this happened and things thankfully haven’t been crazy. I was in shock pretty bad during this and it started to hit me so I’ve been seeing a therapist about it.

    As for my ex, her mom has been updating me on her, mostly because how concerned I was for her. I was honestly thinking about blocking her entire family because I wanted to separate myself totally from all and never think about her again but I decided to keep her mom on my phone for updates at the time.

    She was in a psych ward for 2 weeks. While I haven’t been told a specific diagnosis, she was apparently in psychosis. Her mom has told me she is taking medication and is doing better.

    The fucked up thing is that her mom has been recently trying to get me to get back together with her. Saying her daughter will be a lot happier if I go back to her. I straight up blocked her. I do not want to experience that again even if she is getting counseling and is on medication. Fuck no. I don’t know why her mom is doing that, maybe my ex is giving her a hard time over this? I don’t know.

    Other than that it’s been calm. I’ve came to the realization that I’m a lot happier without her in my life and I want it to stay that way. I’m going to stay single for the time being and just stick with myself. Thanks for all of the advice on my other posts.

    Top Comments

    Commenter 1: Good on you OP. Glad everything has settled down for you. Keep doing the best for yourself. Even if you did get back with your ex, it wouldn’t have been in either of your best interests, as both of you are struggling mentally, and she killed YOUR future with her by forcing a miscarriage. Good luck OP, and maybe look into adoption if you’re still wanting a child. There’s a lot of kids needing parents out there. Best to you.

    Commenter 2: The mother’s only priority is her daughter. She knows that if you forgive her, your ex won’t have to spend a lot of time processing the true depths of what she did, because she won’t have as many consequences to deal with, which could help to stabilise her faster. It would also lessen the burden that the mother has to deal with if you step back in to help care for her.

    Neither of those reasons are fair to you, but they are understandable. Blocking her is the right choice. She doesn’t have you best interests in her mind, only hers and her daughter’s. You can hope that your ex is well, but it’s not your responsibility to ensure it at all. Good luck moving on from this mess.

    Commenter 3: Man real proud of you, you handled an awful terrible unspeakable betrayal so well. Please take care of yourself, reach out to friends & family don’t be alone too much. Eat good, gym time.

    … And this is how I became a repost bot!

  • Poop@lemmy.catoBestofRedditorUpdates@lemmit.online•[New Update]: AITAH for telling my girlfriend I can’t trust her anymore when it comes to her wanting a baby?
    3·
    1 month ago

    Relevant Comments

    Commenter 1: She sounds like she has some serious mental health issues like others have said. If you choose to stay then I would be cautious moving forward having kids with her. She’s willing to cause herself self-harm for the sake of attention. There is no telling what she would do if you guys have already had the child. I’ve seen mothers fake there child’s illness for attention before. She comes off as deeply troubled and manipulative. I don’t think she wants to hurt anyone out of malice but it’s still very concerning. If you stay, therapy is a must.

    OOP: Thank you. Yeah the idea of having a baby is well off the table now. I’m not too sure where I’m going to go with this but I’m heavily thinking about leaving the relationship after reading the comments. I’m just worried about her possibly harming herself if I do break up with her

    Final Update: December 4, 2024 (two days later)

    A lot has happened from my last post and now everything is calmer now, I’m hoping this will be my last update. Apologies since this is going to be long.

    In my last post I told her she needed to go to therapy asap, told her I will pay and everything. I just hoped for the love of fucking god to just for her to please go to therapy. That was the only thing I wanted.

    I haven’t set up anything yet, because she told me she doesn’t want to go to therapy now. She told me she will never do what she did again and doesn’t believe she needs therapy. I was going back and forth with her on this but she was very insistent on not wanting any therapy.

    I told her I can’t move on in this relationship if she doesn’t do therapy. She was arguing with me about it and told me if I loved her, I will stay in this relationship regardless and it wasn’t even “that big of a deal”. I was pretty pissed hearing that because not only did she purposely miscarried the baby we planned for, she harmed herself for no reason (in her words, to experience a actual miscarriage), and I can’t even trust her anymore.

    I was thinking about telling her parents at this point and I accidentally brought it up out of worry of her mental health/me being pissed off and she begged me, got on the ground begged me to not tell her parents. I took her word, because I didn’t want her to lose her mind even more over this. I told her I absolutely have to leave this relationship. I told her it isn’t my responsibility anymore because this has honestly been making me lose my mind too. I was holding it back but I can’t really take it anymore.

    Also yesterday, before this fight, she publicly stated on Facebook that she had a miscarriage and was tore up about it, accepting condolences again in the comments. I brought that up to her, and she told me the same thing in my last post, she was pretty much just wanting to feel important to friends/family. She was so nonchalant about it and honestly seemed like she thought I’d think I wouldn’t care? I told her to stop posting about it and to stop telling people.

    Back to when we were having the fight, I told her seriously I can’t be with her anymore. I will allow you to stay here or you can go back to your parents. She was laying on the ground crying at this point. I had my phone ready because my gut feeling was telling me that she might do something to herself.

    She would come out of the room she was packing in and come close to me and hug me out of nowhere, she said that if I’m breaking up with her she wants a last final hug. The wildest thing is she came out of the room with one of my shirts on, a shirt she was not wearing before, take it off right in front of me, and tells me here’s your shirt back. I don’t know what she was trying to do.

    She finally end up leaving and went to her parents. Right before she left she was crying and I think it started to hit her that I was actually being serious. She was messaging me and calling me constantly, ranging from her just fixing this together, saying she wants therapy now, and her saying she will never do what she did again. I’ve been ignoring all of it. I realize this is not my responsibility now, and her parents can take care of it.

    Like what my worry has been, apparently, she did try to harm herself. Her mom messaged me about it. She said that her daughter is at the hospital and I’m assuming now on a hold because she tried to kill herself. She is physically fine.

    That is the last of it, and I’m thinking this will be my last update. I am not going back to her, and I’m going to try and stop thinking about all of this. And get a good lock for my door. Thanks for all of the advice on the last post

    Edit - I am telling her parents now. If anything happens I will just update it here

    Edit 2 - I ended up telling her parents. I had messages relating to this between me and her, took photos of the herbs she used, told them everything. Thankfully, they didn’t accuse me or do anything drastic and thanked me for telling them, they said they will tell the hospital what I told them. Not too sure what’s going on at the moment or what’s going to happen after since she is being held right now. I will update this if anything else happens

    Relevant Comments

    Commenter 1: I’m glad you pulled yourself out of the relationship, because she is not healthy, mentally. I do suggest talking to her parents to make sure they get her some real help. Her actions were really messed up.

    OOP: I’m thinking about telling her parents very soon. I didn’t before because I didn’t know if it would’ve been a good idea since they’re the pro life type. I understand she’s not my responsibility anymore but I don’t want someone that is going through a mental break go through even more.

    Commenter 2:* You’re not the asshole. It sounds like you’ve been carrying the weight of a situation far beyond what most people could handle, and you did your best to set healthy boundaries while ensuring her safety by informing her parents. Her refusal to seek therapy, manipulative behavior, and the way she handled the miscarriage (both physically and emotionally) show serious red flags that you’re right to step away from.

    Her mental health is not your responsibility, especially when she refuses help. You’ve done the right thing by involving her parents, and now you need to focus on your own well-being. Stay firm in your decision, and don’t let guilt pull you back into a situation that’s unhealthy for both of you.