They don’t even bother with great anymore. It’s all “competitive salary and competitive benefits”. The highest they’re aiming is matching the average.
That’s why I really hate the “competitive” buzzword. It’s like, alright… let’s say it’s a competition. Are you winning it? Because I can certainly compete against Michael Phelps at swimming, but that doesn’t mean I’m any good.
I recently became a corporate sellout after a lengthy stint in science. I do get a bit higher salary, but what struck me most is how much less competitive this environment is.
Yeah academia can be pretty cutthroat. It’s weird. I loved lots of parts of being in school, but when my advisor started trying to weaponize my personal relationships with other professors so that he could be the new department chair I was like “hahaha just kidding! I’m going to become a carpenter, have a good one forever.”
Reminds me of an episode of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law which lists the benefits of the workplace. I couldn’t find the clip, but from memory:
- Toilet paper allowance
- Chairs (for earners)
- Subsidized pens
- Air (for earners)
- Unrestricted internal phone calls
- Remnants of meeting muffins
- Stairs
- A mostly pest-free environment
- Complimentary tickets to already free events
- Bikram Filing
- Take your mistress to work day
- Emergency Exits (senior staff only)
Thank you so much for reminding me that this existed, as a reward I found the video for you. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x440810
I like it when they put in perks things that are legally mandated. Oh wow this job comes with a pension, what a progressive company.
My current job (school bus driver) has a pension, which is the first of any job I’ve ever had in my life (and I’m almost 60). It’s another 5 years before I’m vested and get the pension, and I’m not sure I would bet on the job not having been replaced by AI before then. Hopefully not, since the pension would allow me to afford the brand-name dog food.
I generally try not to make hard and fast predictions like this because really who knows? But I’m pretty confident that school bus drivers aren’t going to be replaced by AI within five years.
I asked for a water cooler for our office. We had about 10 people working at the site, one suffered from kidney stones and I had gout. The nearest water cooler was two floors above us.
I asked my manager for a water cooler and he said no. He said if we got a water cooler, the people at the other sites would want one too.
The other two sites had only two people each, so it was different, but also, why the hell wouldn’t you want them to have water too?
He got passed over for promotion and left when a prior subordinate became his supervisor. After he left the new manager asked me if we needed something, and I said we’d like to have a water cooler. She was both shocked that we were previously denied and surprised that water was what we needed to be happy. We’ve had the water cooler ever since.
My company just got rid of the water cooler… it was apparently a subscription service costing the business $75 USD a week.
Last year our company attempted a merger the CEO and shareholders wanted but was pretty derided by industry experts and would challenge nearly century old Federal anti-trust regulations. We were almost immediately sued to stop the merger and its now been paused for more than a year, costing the company interest payments on the loans we took out to pay for it.
So far this year they downsized a whole department eliminating seven jobs including a middle manager type role, told us in not so many words that we were entering a period of deferred maintenance, and that corporate would be reevaluating cost of living adjustments for next year… the board is still planning stock buy backs and shareholder dividend payouts.
Management told us we have to cut back on “little luxuries” to which someone asked how the fuck water was a luxury. The economy is doing great!
I don’t understand why you would have a water cooler in the first place.
just put a fountain in?
edit: my regionality is showing. I assumed it wasn’t plumbed in.
It pulled water from the tap instead of a bottle and had a filter, plus it had hot and cold options. It was a nice water cooler, but I wouldn’t have called it a luxury and never thought it could cost $75 a week.
ah okay, so it was plumbed in. carry on
around here I’ve only ever referred to “cooler” as something that uses a tank.
now, even a water dispenser that doesn’t have a fountain is still called a fountain… unless it actually has a chiller and no fountain mouth piece, in which case it’s back to a cooler, sometimes
