I wish I never told anyone I worked or studied tech. Especially older family and friends, because their requests for help are relentless.
A lot of friends are chill with it, and I don’t mind doing a little bit of help, but sometimes people are who are OFFENDED when you don’t want to help. In the same way a contractor friend won’t remodel your home for free, I am not going to fix every single issue you have with your computer for free. I’m happy to give advice, but i’m not going to work for hours without pay to fix everything.
I’m petty and absolutely used this among other reasons to move away from home as far as I could. So much happier knowing I’m too far away to be bothered. It still sucks when I go home and get the same requests.
“Why do you always help so-and-so and never return my calls?”
So and so knows to bring the fucking cookies when they fuck their shit up, sherlock.
Oh god my mom says this all the fucking time. I help my old babysitter the most, whenever I can, because even throughout my parents divorce, and without pay, she kept taking care of my sisters and I. Even though she was extremely poor and working another job. My moms just outright abusive.
People feel entitled to support because there’s no financial outlay, it’s “free”. Also, “it’ll just take a minute”.
The ideal situation is to do the work and negotiate their help in return. “Be glad to help! And you can do $X for me sometime!” Cool thing about that is soliciting help paradoxically makes people like you more. Do the job, then ask them for help. And follow up on that ask or you will be taken advantage of!
Related:
“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged”.
The Benjamin Franklin effect is the brain’s effort to resolve the cognitive dissonance we experience when we do a favor for someone we don’t particularly like. In order to rationalize our behaviour, we convince ourselves that we must like the person otherwise we would never have done them the favor.
Not 100% agreed with that last quote as it works for people you actually like. But that’s the general idea.
Had this problem a while ago,y solution was either straight up tell them no, or to say you will do it for a fee and say I didn’t get get all this information for free, it has cost me a lot to learn all this information and then to point out my degree.
If they didn’t like it. That’s not really my problem. I do not ow them my skills and expertise just because I know them.
I would help the ones I know wouldn’t mind if I just said no, and ones that I know that if I helped them once doesn’t mean I always will.
Consent is important and if they can’t understand what no is and that consent can be taken away, then they don’t really deserve the help I can give them.
I like to use the good-fast-cheap paradigm for most people. Typically, if I’m giving you something good & cheap/free, then it won’t be done today. If you want something good & fast, can’t be cheap. I can do fast & cheap, but I typically set expectations of like “Uhhh, I can try for 5 mins but [more important thing I need to do.]”
I agree that being the tech expert isn’t great, but it’s usually simple tasks. Most people have something where they are “the specialty person.” You’re tech, but maybe another friend is crafty, another one is good at fixing stuff, another is artistic. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.
I try to imagine good actions/karma as being passed forward; hopefully when I need help, someone looks out for me.
Oh yeah. Especially when you have a degree in CS, spend your days writing code and thinking about design patterns, and people ask you for advice on what laptop to get. I don’t @#&$ know!
That and old ass infected computers. I’ve used Linux almost exclusively for more than a decade. Fuck if I know how to fix your 10 year old windows desktop.
But you do know how to do it. It was right there in your previous sentence.
Years and years ago, I was waiting in the lobby of a dealership while they did something to my car. (It was a complex situation. I wouldn’t normally go to a dealership for anything if I could avoid it.) This was before cell phones were, like, decent, so for entertainment I was watching the lobby TV. They had on some trivia / jeopardy show, no idea which one.
One of the questions in the show was “what industry lies to their family the most about what they do?” Jokingly, I muttered to myself (paraphrased) “probably help desk / IT support.” The answer was “IT support.” I had to fight to hold in my laughter.
Bonus fact: At the time, I worked at a help desk as a temp. While I was waiting for my car, the recruiter who employed me called me to ask me to convince another prospective employee that the recruiter was on the level and that the job was worthwhile. I couldn’t think of a single positive thing to say on the call. (I’m still in IT but no longer help desk and I’m much happier.)
I’m vaguely the tech gal for my aunt, but she never wants anything complicated, it’s not like I’m capable of a lot, but she never demands it.
Ya and fuck printers. Happy Solstice.
Been a engineer for more than 15 years.
My secret to avoiding this? Always act like you’re the stupidest in the room. Not full blown, but like pretty high level dumb.
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Someone once asked me how to fix their windows. No idea - I only use Linux.
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My favorite Linux flavor? Uh I dunno… Macs?
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So I know how to use terminals? Not really, I just use the GUI, which stands for General User Interactions.
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How do I get this far and write code? Well I type things into google.com and then copy and paste code and it just works.
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But don’t I need a degree? Nah. I was mostly doing drugs and alcohol and cheated my way up.
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Aren’t I speaking at tech conferences? Nah. I just type things into google.com slash Gemini and read what the AI, which stands for Advanced Intelligence, says.
And I Never have to fix a god damn thing.
Never go full blown.
No way do people need tech support from you if they know about Linux distros or what a GUI is.
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I stopped getting asked for help when I switched to Linux.
If you ask me for help, I will install Linux on your computer.
It’s your fault for trusting me.Yes! I will install TempleOS :)
There’s a lot of cringey responses in this thread. Just be a nice person and talk to your family and friends in an open and honest way.
Firstly, this happens in any profession. I’m a tax consultant. People always want to talk to me about tax.
Thing is, 100% of the time people will understand if you say “I don’t really know very much about that particular thing I’m sorry.”
When someone says “my wifi isn’t working” they’re not necessarily saying “please will you come over and fix my wifi”, often they’re really saying “what should I do to solve this problem” and the answer is usually “turn it off and on again, update adobe reader, if it’s still not working take it to whatever shop.”
If someone directly asks you “please will you stop what you’re doing and come fix my x”, which never actually happens, then you just deal with it as appropriate. “Sorry nan I have a lot going on right now, you’ll have to take it to the shop”.
“please will you stop what you’re doing and come fix my x”
This actually happens quite frequently. It’s rare to leave a family party without a follow up appointment to look at a persons tech.
Thing is, 100% of the time people will understand if you say “I don’t really know very much about that particular thing I’m sorry.”
“Yeah but you know tech so you must just be sand bagging”
And if someone says “hey, can you come fix my computer,” and when you show up she just lays in bed and looks at you longingly from there, that means you really got to fix the computer and then leave so she can get some sleep.
Yeah, look she couldn’t even dress up to greet you. She must be really really tired
I was an electrician for 14 years and now im a software developer. I get so many people asking me to do small things around their house for electrical and while im there they ask, “he can you look at my phone/computer, its not running like it used to”. I will look at it and see if its an easy fix but sometimes i need to say no i dont do that
A lot of people struggle to internalise how capitalism works, because it’s unnatural. In a natural communist society, you ask your friends and family for help with the things they’re good at, and they help you. But under capitalism, you need to sell your limited time and energy for money in order to survive, so you can’t afford to help your friends and family for free. This is confusing to many people, because their instincts are telling them to act like communists, the way human beings are supposed to.
You can solve this problem by joining the communist revolution and restoring our economy to its natural state.
I dont really get what this has to do with capitalism. They could also reciprocate in a capitalist society but don’t? They don’t need communism to bake some cookies or serve a meal. Just anything to make it worth my time
You’re describing a gift economy, where people give labour and resources away for free. People are stuck between their instincts, which say to behave as if they’re in a gift economy, and their environment, which says to hoard resources for survival. Many people resolve the conflict between these competing systems by acting both cheap AND entitled. In a communist society, people would still be entitled, but they wouldn’t bother hoarding their cookies, because their job wouldn’t demand all the cookie baking time. So they’d act the way you describe.
My dad tried to get me to fly out to his place in California to fix his printer issues once. I live quite a few states away. He didn’t even offer to pay or anything, he just was like “you haven’t visited in a while and I really need your help, please come soon.” I told him to call the geek squad.
